never[REGRET]

So long so long my forsaken love, be not forgotten, but cherished so
You have blessed me so by changing the life I know
My love come hold me, change this disgrace
We became best friends, from day one I knew you were oh so splendiferous
Holding, oh holding all of those thoughts
Be strong don’t fade
Hold tight to your soul

Well world, I lost my best friend in the whole world yesterday. That hurt so much to go through. It still hurts; but I know once I adjust, I won't hurt so much. This boy was not only my best friend but also the boy I fell in love with, love like I have never known before. Loosing my best friend is awful, I hope one day I will be healed enough to be friends again. Maybe one day best friends.

Everyone tells me how awful he is or how he didn't treat me the way I should be treated. In truth he treated me wonderfully, just not in the way I would like. It doesn't matter what others may have thought or perceived of how he and I were. True we may have crossed lines not meant to be crossed for best friends, or friends at all, but it does not mean that he did not treat me like the best princess ever. It kills to hear others tell me how bad he is, he is a great person. Much better than he gives himself credit for [kills me as well]. 

I sometimes wish I could be like other girls, just dislocate from my best friend, it sucks and is depressing, but still go on with life. For me it is so difficult, he is such a good person overall, such a huge part of my life. I feel as if right now I have just lost half of my soul. I spent days and days with this friend. We hung out, talked, shared many hobbies and likes. He could make me laugh and smile even on my worst days, the hardest part is knowing I can no longer turn to my best friend when I need someone. And I feel he doesn't care even though he says otherwise. Sometimes it is so hard to believe in others or what they say when you hurt so badly that even eating is impossible. As each day continues, I will slowly progress to where I should be. I know it will take time and patience, this is only the worst part, time will heal all. It will be a long next few months for me. I am hoping I adjust well to my life in how I need to. 

Followingyour♡

When you find yourself in a tight jam: chest tight, tears streaming down your face, painful to breath, hurts to smile;  you will need to get down and pray. This is a time you find God is needed most, he will hold you as you feel so lost. Look for the light within, when you start to feel a negative feeling, pray for God to help and be with you.

I have issues with getting angry fast. Lately I am mad a lot over nothing and everything. When I feel myself starting to feel so angry, when I feel that anger creeping up on me, I say a quick prayer in my heart. Begging God to be with me and help me to not feel this way. I may nit be perfect but I do believe God will still be there for me, even through any mistakes I make. I may be weak, but God will be my strength.

You must be strong in faith for yourself before you can ever be strong for another.

Oh《pains》

I took myself off of my Gabapenten slowly these last two weeks. It has been really rough to do; sode effects from coming off the drug were not fun; so far worth it although. I am hoping I can continue to stay off the mental drugs. They made me angry easier along with giving me weird mental feelings. Light headed and sick, all the time.

Theseast two weeks I've done oretty good at keeping my headaches away; loads of neck pains, Sunday I had really bad side pains, they made me not able to move well on my own. I had some friends come over to give me a blessing. It was the most beautiful of blessings, I could really feel the spirit there with me. Most the day I was on the couch sick,  eventually able to get up and move around. Add onto all of this fun jazz, I have been extremely tired and sick feeling this last week.

I have been relying on prayer a lot lately for help to get through each and every day without complications. It really is amazing what faith and God can do for one person, not to mention billions. I feel blessed to be part of a larger plan and blessed to have God here for me.

Well isn't[[LIFE]]just a great ball of joy.

Mmmmm... Great joy life, busy, busy, busy. So updating for the week or till I write next; parties, boys, heartbreaks, work, early mornings, stress, more work. Sounds exciting right? Not really. Only exciting parts are the parties and time I crawl into bed for a few brief hours of sleep. So let's take a ride on a crazy roller coaster!

Alright, we will start with work, I really hate getting up at 5AM every day just to sit in front of a computer all day and listen to someone talk, while I have to be silent. The whole not talking on the phone thing is getting old really fast. I would love to get on the call floor already, it will be new and scary; I can do it although. When I get off work, I am usually going to work for the business my friends are starting for a few hours or the rest of the day, not much time for life; yet somehow I am still finding a way to socialize!

Moving onto boys and heartbreak; I told the boy I have been in love with for two years now that I cannot do this anymore, our crazy weird friendship. We are still friends but I have a feeling we are going downhill friendship wise. We have messed up really bad in our friendship by becoming too close for just friends. It will be a long hard journey to stop loving him, to move on, to get on with my life and stop wasting my time. He will always been in my life and a friend; but it won't ever be the same kind of talking or caring anymore. Ever. That makes me sad and breaks my heart so much, I will be strong although. Add to the mix, there is a boy in my ward who is pretty attractive and fun. We have hung out a lot this last week, I am really wanting to get to know him to know if I like him or not; this is new territory for me. I haven't just hung out with a guy to get to know him; it scares me pretty badly. Following the wind at the moment. 

Add all of this together and you get one great big ball of stress! Being human, and a girl, I have been crying more and more lately; this is also a crazy weird sensation for me. There is so much new and change in my life at the moment that I don't know what to do aside from freak out. For those who know me well, I don't handle change well they will tell you. This is my life... oh wait I forgot the best part! MY ROOMMATES!!!

So we all have been throwing parties a lot lately, crazy fun stuff, plus planning all these random adventures! It is so great to be able to just get along great with everyone I live with as well as hang out with them a lot. We all look out for each other a lot, talk about life and help each other out, and we support each other. It is a fantastic housing style!!! 

Okay, so I basically just ranted; but I had to get it all off my chest. Whhhhew! 

Well, aint' that just dandy.

Okay folks, been a bit since I've been alive here; go figure a new job would start a lack of socialization. So here it goes! I think this boy is SUPER cute, problem, as any normal girl, I don't know if he thinks I am cute and would like to get to know me or not. I don't know, the whole dating thing, as in just dates, is new to me. Whew. 

I have also learned that my roommates are not only a great support group for each other here in the house, we also like to go out and hang out with a fun group we have forming. Cute boy included. (; As to being "subtle" about things, well I do struggle with that, I like to say everything how it is. Very few things will hold me down, like the feeling of caring. Oh yeah, that one is scary. I love my roommates and making random things for them.. Like a sticky note name wall with cute sayings on each sticky. (:

We have also decided to be party central at our house. Not only do we enjoy hosting parties, we also have people randomly show up at all times of the day! Whoooooohoooo. It is fun until someone wants to go to bed, impossible. Great group of young single adults though that I am in here in Arizona. 

I am in a bit of a pickle with my best friend, always hard to be best friends with someone of the opposite gender; completely worth it although. He is a great friend to have, we play Mortal Combat, are planning on runs together and scripture study. He is a good influence as I am a good influence on him, or so I like to believe. 

Just some of my random thoughts and tid-bits for the night. Peace.