Health.its.a..↓

Okay world, ever just sit and ask God: why in the heck did I get all thr cruddy genes? Yeah I try to avoid asking it; except nights when I cannot sleep, that's on my mind a lot.

Not many know but I am having some serious health issues with some pretty important organs lately. Theres this weird lump, pain all over my mid-section, random cough, random internal bruisjng, fatigue. Yeah we dunno what it is yet. Going to ghe doctor on Thursday to hopefully get the ball rolling on finding out. All I can say is I am scared cause I don't know what it is but I do know it hurts and the lump should never be there. Life. Its a bit of a naughty word sometimes.

Morning((hair))thoughts

While I was doing my hair this morning it accured to me, any male I have ever had intrest in with enough intent to date, has always been telling me or others will tell me: you deserve better, he isn't right for you, you are worth so much and he isn't enough. Ouch.

Initial reaction: wow. Okay who are you to know what I'm worth and who is good enough for me?
Secondary reaction: what? Are you saying I'm TOO good for anyone?
Third reaction: wait am I not meant to be with anyone?

I don't know how to take it that others tell me how I deserve better.  Better than what? No matter who the guy is it always seems to come back around to "he's not good enough, he doesn't deserve you". I know this is typical for friends to say or even family; when the guys parents tell you this, you start to question: what is it that others are seeing in me that is too good for just anyone who makes me happy and treats me like a princess?

I'm just plain confused ladies and gents. I don't understand.

And now I'm the bad guy...

Ever feel as if you have to be the strong one between a friend and you? Feel like you are the only who is being mean cause you have to say something you know others aren't wanting to hear at the moment? Yeah I'm there...

I feel so bad having to point out things to my friend when all they need so clearly is someone to hold and hold them back. The cold hard truth though is I won't be the other girl. I won't be the physical for someone when they need it; knowing there is a special someone in their life.

Hypothetically, if someone is willing to take things down and put them away just to have physical comfort, then there is already something broken in their relationship in my eyes. Even if it sucks to not have your someone near every time you need them, when you are committed to someone you neved would do something that would jeopardise that commitment. There's no justification allowed for actions that is acceptable; everyone is conscious of what they are doing. We all make logical, thought out choices. That's just my thoughts though.

Had to spill some emotion here. Night world!

tall.big((VS))little.short

I recently heard a very tall person stating how it can be a curse cause everything he does, everyone sees it.  That got me to thinking how maybe if he feels that way at times, others feel that way. And maybe, just maybe, people who are short like me might feel as I do; ignored and never heard.

This got me thinking about how little people usually are more feisty and loud (that I know); tall people are quiet reserved, sitting and listening. It is crazy to think how it is possible we all don't like to have the attention on us, how it makes others self conscious.